Maybe I'm getting caught up in all the emotionalness of adoption, I hope not. I feel the pull of something happening. I have been reading some Joel Osteen, not too sure about it all. But I am getting the start of something being built in my heart and in my mind. Gotta keep praying for what God wants, if this is His business or just my own imaginations. I am feeling that I'm being called to do something more for the seemingly hopeless out there in the world. Hope that this doesn't sound too crazy. I'm excited to see where God is leading, what roads He is asking me to walk. But in the same breath I am kind of in this wide-eyed wonder, thinking what on earth does He have in mind, totally in reverence to His will and desires, and yet still anxious about all the unknowns. Maybe God just wants me to have a willing spirit, an obedient attitude. Maybe there's more.
Mother's Day is just about here, thinking of my baby Girl and her birth family tonight. Where they are all at, like a story.
I was helping out in my son's class today and found myself getting a bit emotional as I was trying to get this sweet boy to tell me what things he liked best about his mom. This child is experiencing something I've never experienced. He is a child in the throes of the foster system. My heart just truly ached for him, wondering if he is thinking about his foster mom, or his birth mom.
The more I live here on earth, and open my heart to share in the pain of others, to let Jesus show me the hurt out there, the more I realize that Heaven is something I long for. Not just for my own selfishness, but for the relief of so many hurting souls regardless of the years they have lived here on earth. Hurting because of the desperation and perversity of our generation that is effecting the next.
Sorry about the dismal mood of this post. Its not that I dwell on this all the time, but it is there more and more and I think that Jesus is working something in my heart to prepare me for something new.